Forgiveness is Self-Care

The Judgement card can represent hearing or feeling a calling, making a decision, feeling transformed or rejuvenated, or forgiveness of yourself and others. This morning I feel the focus is on forgiveness, and now that I’m looking at my words on virtual paper, I can see how that impacts all the other aspects of this card. Forgiving is an act of rising above a situation by refusing to reflect incoming negative energy. That is, answering a higher call. It is making a conscious decision to perform the act of forgiveness, and how that can transform your overall experience..

So why is it reversed today?  Because it is such an easy thing to not do. Part of us wants to do it only when we feel the other person has behaved in a way that they deserve to be forgiven, such as by atonement or at least by apologizing. We think we are punishing the other person by not forgiving them when in fact we are just giving ourselves more emotional baggage to carry around and quite possibly having more of a negative impact on ourselves.

Well screw all that. It’s time to take a selfish, common sense approach to forgiveness. Ultimately the art of forgiveness is the art of self-care. All the energy that goes into being frustrated, angry or upset with a certain situation could be better spent on something positive, and you will feel better for giving yourself permission to free yourself of whatever pain you feel that causes you to need to forgive.

Being unforgiving does far more damage to you than to the person who you need to forgive. Let’s say, for example, the other person cares how you feel. Being hard and unforgiving towards them is more likely to put up a wall between you, closing down communication rather than provide an opportunity for them to make amends. Sure, the other person might feel guilty, and you might feel like they deserve to feel that way, but guilt is too often a cul de sac that goes nowhere, or at least nowhere good.

In many situations there is a good chance that this person is no longer part of your daily environment. They might not even be aware of how you feel, or maybe they just don’t care, or maybe they did care but are operating on an “out of sight, out of mind” basis. Whatever the case, there is a good chance you are dwelling on the negativity of the situation far more than they are.

Of course if the other person is a narcissist, your best bet is to release everything about the situation and go straight to the forgiveness part. Narcissists are psychic vampires – the more energy you give them the more they will suck you dry. But can a vampire help being a vampire? Well, ultimately yes, but first they have to self-realize then work through their patterns to alter their natural way of being and that might take some time, if indeed it ever happens. I’m just saying you’ll be waiting for them to become the person you want to forgive as opposed to the person you need to forgive. And the only one who will be hurt by it is you. Remember, forgiving someone doesn’t mean they have to remain a part of your life.

I didn’t say it would be easy.  I just said it would be good for you.