There is a past relationship that sometimes makes me swell with anger and hurt. We split over ten years ago, and the pain doesn’t dominate my life like it once did, but on those occasions when it does come it’s like being caught in the tide, with a breaker rolling over me – it’s overwhelming.
In the riptide, I feel unable to pull away from the strong, negative emotions over the way I was treated, let myself be treated, and rebelled against it. Sometimes I’m even charged about things that never happened, but could, seeing how we had three children together.
I don’t often feel this way…anymore. I don’t like it when I do. It takes me out of the present, drains me and, most importantly, gets in the way of anything or anyone else I might be giving my attention to at the time.
Why do I have such a hard time letting go of such a painful past? Holding on to pain is “the devil you know”. There is comfort in familiarity, and you can get used to most anything. Letting go involves redefining yourself. Who will I be if I’m not this person anymore? It’s a shift into the unknown. What would it feel like to subdue righteous anger with unconditional love and forgiveness? Can I just choose to do that? If I do, am I being played for a fool again?
Since dealing with this type of issue is one of Archangel Zadkiel’s specialty areas, I asked for a little help this morning, and a message. I drew the Eight of Cups. A clear sign that it’s time to find a way move on, go deeper, drop the baggage, try something new. Sure, I already knew that, but it’s nice to have support.
Just for today, I will not be angry
See a list of Reiki precepts