Doubt Takes a Back Seat

English: A single white feather closeup. Deuts...

I’m coming up on my first anniversary as a Reiki Master next month. With a houseful of small children, and an overworked, stay-home partner, I’ve had plenty of opportunity to stay in practice, from winding babies to healing backaches to clearing negative or chaotic energy, not to mention self-healing that helps me to be more open and present where I’m needed most.

Being, as they say, a certain age, I admit it took me long enough to get this far on my own spiritual journey, considering that from youth I felt, no, I knew there was something more to life than what I was learning in school, weekdays or Sundays. On several occasions I was even whupped up the side of the head by it, usually through friends who were in tune with this something more. But I was “stuck”. I wanted to connect, but for a long time it just never seemed like it was going to happen for me.  I was full of doubt and my life was full of many of the distractions available to me in modern times.

That was then. Daily I feel Reiki flow through me and out to others. I meditate, clear out and exercise my chakras, and have even gone deep beyond the casual flirtation I used to enjoy with my tarot cards. But old habits die hard. Self-doubt was a part of my makeup far too long to go without a fight. Oh, it’s fairly well subdued these days, but it does occasionally like to let me know it’s still around, just in case.

Yesterday I was sitting in the car, waiting for my partner’s mother to come out of the house, having a quiet moment to myself during an otherwise busy day. I suddenly heard a voice behind me, from the back seat. It was doubt. Out of consideration, he decided to stop by not to criticize or attack me – he knows that would just raise my defences. So instead, he gently offered a few “what ifs”.

“What if”, he said, “all this Reiki stuff isn’t real? What if you’re just making yourself feel it flow through you? What if it’s just the power of suggestion? What if the people around you just think Reiki is affecting them, and any healing is a coincidence?”

I stared out the windscreen, half listening, emotionally detached from doubt’s monologue as he prattled on. And as I did so, I saw the tiniest, pure-white feather drift slowly down out of nowhere from a seemingly empty winter sky, landing on the pavement in front of me. I got out of the car and examined the feather. I knew how it got there, why it was there, and what it meant. Feeling grateful and slightly awed, I picked up the feather and got back in the car.

Doubt now knew that I wasn’t paying any attention, so he stopped talking and got out.

Just for today I will be grateful.

See a list of Reiki precepts.

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2 thoughts on “Doubt Takes a Back Seat

  1. Like it! People doubt you/ your thing. You doubt yourself. Universe gives you a nudge and poke. ‘Oi! It’s ok, this will pass and you’ll get on with following your truth. And there’s no denying that doing so does make you feel better about yourself. You’ll have all the support you need. Just ask.’

    I’ve been there, doubting. Still go there from time to time. In the end I realise I’m thankful for trying to do the stuff that means I’m doing/ being my truth. And that’s worth a million doubting conversations with others. More than makes up for the angst the doubting causes. 😀

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